Poker Jokes
A naked surprise
A woman who plays cards once a month with a group of friends was concerned that she always woke her husband when she came home around 11:30. One night she decided to try not to rouse him. She undressed in the living room and, purse over arm, tiptoed nude into the bedroom - only to find her husband sitting up in bed reading. "Dammit woman!" he exclaimed. "Did you lose everything?"
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Betting the manager
One day Jayne walked into a bank to deposit a large sum of money she had won in the casino.
Jayne walked up to the cashier and handed over a cheque for $850,000. The cashier insisted on checking such a large a mount, and so a few minutes later the bank manager appeared to take a look. The bank manager, curious ad how Jayne came to have so much money, started to ask some questions.
"How did you get so much money?"
"Well", she replies, "I'm a bit of a gambler..."
"Really?!" the manager replied, and started to give Jayne a lecture about the evils of gambling.
"No really, it's fun!" insisted Jayne. "I bet you $10,000 that your balls are square!".
The manager was a bit shocked, but after thinking it though, thought that there was no way he could loose the bet. So they shook hands and went out in to the car park so Jayne could check his balls. Standing in the car park was a man wearing a gray suit.
"This is my attorney," said Jayne. "He's here to make sure everything is legal."
"OK" said the bank manager, so Jayne stepped up in front of him, unzipped his trousers and gave his balls a good feel.
"You're right, they're not square!"
The manager smiled and looked over to the lawyer, who at this point was banging his head on the car. Confused, the manager asked Jayne, "What's wrong with your lawyer?"
"Oh, I bet him $100,000 I would have your balls in my hands in five minutes."
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Pack Up
A man came home from a poker game late one night and found his hideous harpy of a wife waiting for him with a rolling pin.
"Where the hell have you been?" she asked.
"You'll have to pack all your things, dear," he ad-libbed. "I've just lost you in a card game."
"How did you manage to do that?"
"It wasn't easy, honest. I had to fold with a royal flush."
Playing Poker with the Rent Money
"That bastard husband of mine wanted me to sleep with the landlord because he lost the rent money playing poker," the housewife told a neighbor.
"You didn't do it, did you?"
"I have to admit I did - though with certain misgivings, I might add. What I haven't done, though, is tell my husband the rent is paid up for six months!"
Poker or Her
Two couples were playing cards. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Bill's wife wasn't wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, John hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.
Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife followed him and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?"
John admitted that, well, yes, he did.
She said, "You can have it, but it will cost you $100."
After a minute or two, John indicates that he is interested. She tells him that since Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, John should come to her house around 2:00 pm on Friday.
Friday came and John went to her house at 2:00 pm. After paying her $100 they went to the bedroom, had sex and then John left. Bill came home about 6:00 pm. He asked his wife, "Did John come by this afternoon?"
Reluctantly, she replied, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes."
Next Bill asked, "Did John give you $100?"
She thinks, "Oh hell, he knows!" Finally she says, "Well, yes... he did give me $100."
"Good," Bill says. "John came by the office this morning and borrowed $100 from me. He said that he would stop by our house on his way home and pay me back."
Poker Player and His Wife
A regular Friday night poker game was still going strong well after midnight when one of the players returned from bathroom with an urgent report. "Roger, listen," he told the host, "Walter's in the kitchen making love to your wife!" "OK, that's it, guys," Roger said. "This is positively the last deal."
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Anybody Know Any Good Poker Jokes?
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